Saturday, August 23, 2014

619 - Red Zone Cuba

With Short: Platform, Posture and Appearance

First Broadcast - 7 pm Saturday, Dec 12 1994
Excellence Level: Bronze
Movie Pain: High - One of the worst movies, ever!
Riffing: Not their best but not bad
Skits: Chuckle-Fest

This is the film equivalent to being smacked in the head with a bag of hammers: John Carradine tells us the story of Curly and some drifters who go to Cuba, then come back and throw a guy down a hole. Next, they search for treasure before Curly is hunted down and shot (providing food for other Curly's).

Yup, it's Coleman Francis and the madness never ends. A movie where a lot of things happen but it leads nowhere and relates to nothing. The jump cuts will give you whiplash and the acting is so wooden you'll wonder if the roles were performed by 2x4's!

Cherokee Jack's good for a giggle and the guys actually do get in a few superb riffs. The bit where Cole chokes his pal is an odd stilted scene and the riffing fits it like a glove. I also got a kick when Mike has the trio ask, "Hey, mind if we sunbathe nude?" The quipping finsihes up strong, but this film is soooo bad that it physically hurts to watch it. I'm talking 'eyeballs melting out of the sockets' kind of pain and since the riffing isn't of the constant "out of the ballpark" variety that is heard in other wretched flicks like "Monster A-Go-Go" or "Manos", Cuba earns a respectable bronze award.

Coupled with one of their weakest efforts on a short, "Platform Posture & Appearance". This piece never-the-less inspires a fun moment with Frank & Dr. F, who imitate that funky 'hands on knees' exercise. Bonus: Songs! One sung by Carradine ("Night Train to Mundo Fine", which was this films original title), the other by our SOL crew who are trying desperately to cheer themselves up at the end.

Host Segments
Intro: Servo helps Mike with the lottery. Segment 1: Dr. F is beat up by mobsters looking for Frank. M&TB play bingo. Segment 2: Frank tries to help a heavily bandaged Forrester do some posture exercises. Segment 3: Mike dresses like Carol Channing. Frank reads letters to Clay. Segment 4: Mike's still acting nuts. End: A happy song on the SOL. Dr. F tries to strangle Frank. Stinger: Odd piano playing scene.

Notable Riffs
Platform Riffs
"Now, you're a can opener, all metal and shiny and taciturn." - Servo
"Make sure your parting is gouged into your skull" - Crow
"The ear is the human organ the public speaker is most likely to try to impress as he makes a speech" - "After the human nipple." - Narrator/Servo
"You must appear, and you must have matter" - Mike
"Women be different from men." - "Word." - Servo/Crow as speaker
"That's it baby, shake that moneymaker, woo-hoo!!" - Crow

Red Riffs
"The close-ups really save on sets" - Mike
"Fortunately Cuba has only eight guys in it" - Mike
"If you see anything, film it. We'll put it in" - Servo
"I always wanted money. - "But I settled for looks." - Coleman/Mike
"Fuzzy Thurston is the Fugitive!" - Crow
"That's a weird stain." - Servo as Cook
"Your everyday annoyances should not be filmed!" - Mike
"My neck got broken in that jump cut!" - Mike
"I am a Cuban and this is my Cuban infant." -. "I am a Cuban looking for Cuban safety here in Cuba!" - Crow/Mike
"There will be a five hour delay with our movie. We'll have the mechanics take a look at it, and in the meantime we'll have to ask you to board another movie" - Crow
"Maybe 25 minutes of training wasn't enough?" - Crow
"I bet they're going to pistol whip 'Thomas the Tank Engine'" - Crow
"I'm just glad Coleman's not wearing a skirt" - Crow
"Thanks guys. The backwash really helps" - Mike as Justine
"The legendary singing Buick" - Servo

Riff Explained
"And that's why we have a picture of Gene Pitney on the mantle" - Mike
Pitney was a popular singer/songwriter in the 60's. Known for the hit, "The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance". He also worked with performers like Ricky Nelson and the Rolling Stones.

"Les Steckle begins training camp" - Crow
Refers to Minnesota Viking head coach Les Steckle, who took over after the legendary Bud Grant retired. He was known for rigorous boot camp style practice sessions, which wore out and angered the players. The team finished with a horrible 1-13 record and Les was fired and replaced by... Bud Grant.

Stuff & Nonsense
* Herk Harvey, the director of "Carnival of Souls" as well as many shorts (Shake Hands With Danger, Cheating) can be seen in "Platform, Posture and Appearance" playing the good speechmaker (he's the guy combing his hair earlier)

* So, how do you get a guy to star in your movie? While driving down the Hollywood Freeway, Anthony Cardoza & Coleman Francis spotted John Carradine in the next lane. Coleman shouted to Carradine that he wanted to talk to him about a part in a movie. So they pulled into a restaurant, worked out a deal over lunch and gave John a $600 advance.

* Of Note: Cardoza (Landis) also plays the part of Fidel Castro in this flick, and George Prince (Cherokee Jack) can be seen briefly in "Yucca Flats". He's the guy who discovers the body of the dead husband.

* What that briefly seen sign says at Jack's...
Will Flie you anywhere
Rates * Prettie Reasoneble
  Cherokee Jack

Released on DVD

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