Sunday, August 24, 2014

703 - Deathstalker and the Warriors From Hell

First Broadcast - 5 pm Saturday, Feb 17th 1996
#37 in Mighty Jack's Top 100
Excellence Level: Platinum
Movie Pain: Medium - All the scenery chewing and smug smirks irk
Riffing: Hilarious
Skits: The Pearl segments are rather annoying. Others are okay

If you liked Cave Dwellers you'll love this tripe, as 2 of the least masculine men on the face of the earth do battle. It's blond thin smug-boy vs. a balding -silk scarf wearing villain- who suffers from a bad case of the 'Shatners'. It's sword & sorcery at its worst, with the "potato" playing an important role in the story. In fact, the potato scenes are arguably the best part of Deathstalker.
A+ msting on the flick - but while the riffs sizzle, the host segments fizzle. Pearl was pretty annoying. Now, she was supposed to be annoying, and annoying certainly can be funny ("I will push the button, I will, I'll push the button..." - Frank, from "Sidehackers") but this time out it was just painful. The bit with Clayton bringing mom a glass of milk was clever (echoing Hitchcock's “Suspicion”) and there is a couple skits away from the Forrester's -Mike at the bots ren-fest got me laughing- and Mary Jo does get in a good line about a  'gold man reading her dirty books', so they weren't a complete loss.

Host Segments
Intro: Crow has new hair, calf and hinder implants. Segment 1: Pearl is sick. M&TB open a fast food restaurant. Segment 2: Mike visits the bots ren fest. Segment 3: Mike wants more ren fest fun. Segment 4: Crow reads to Pearl. End: Letter, Servo's ring and Forrester brings a glass of milk to mom. Stinger: "Potatoes are what we eat!"

Notable Riffs
* "Looks like his rubber band snapped" - Crow
* "Try one of my crunchy pillows." - Mike as Deathstalker
* "Quick! Jam a potato in the wound!" - Servo
* "Put your Dwarf on oscillating!" - Crow
* "I have a feeling we're making a run for the border with this movie" - Mike
* "They missed on the haircuts by roughly twelve hundred years" - Mike
* "And for dessert, potato cream pie." - Mike
* "Yeah I meant a potato rabbit." - Crow as Deathstalker
* "Uh, I have a cat poster." - Servo as princess
* "Somebody TP'd your ghost." - Crow
* "Oh no, this is a sequel to something!" - Crow
* "That must be ye forensic pathologist"
* "Not now!" - "I'm delousing the wizard!" - Bald Guy/Crow
* "The directors vision: confusion wracked with ambiguity" - Servo
* "Always show the audience the inside of your heroes mouth" - Servo
* "The chilling sound of cardboard against cardboard!" - Crow
* "You clever bastard! So the editor is working with you!" - Mike
* "Will the people from "Doctor Quinn Medicine Woman" please clear the set" - Mike
* "It's hard to look menacing when you're dressed like MAUDE" - Crow
* "There can be only one! Or two..." - Crow
* "It's the Judean peoples front!" - Crow

Riffs Explained
"Zing!" - "Man it's like Nick and Nora Charles!" - Servo/Crow
Said during a scene where the Princess & 'Stalker swap sparkling bon mots - NOT! Nick & Nora are characters in a mystery titled "The Thin Man" by Dashiell Hammett. William Powell & Myrna Loy portrayed the crime solving duo in a series of movies (starting in 1934) and Crow's sarcastic riff refers to the fact that Nick & Nora often engaged in quick, witty banter -whereas there's nothing witty nor charming about Deathstalker or his banter.

"I've gotta start the smoke, stir the sauce, all the time watching the helicopter" - Mike
Spoken during a scene when Troxartas is frantically mixing spells to use on the wizard: Riff refers to the final scenes in the movie Goodfellas. Ray Liotta is strung out on coke and is getting very paranoid. He's making dinner for his family, trying to go get the coke cut, and a helicopter is following him the whole time.

Stuff and Nonsense
The evil queen was played by Terri Treas who you might have seen as Cathy Frankel in the "Alien Nation" series. She also had a part in the Corman produced horror flick, "The Nest". In that one, she's the gal who gets a little "aroused" when bitten by the bugs.

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