Release Date: December 9, 2008
Riffers: Mike Nelson, Kevin Murphy & Bill Corbett
"Thing was expensive and never caught a single moth" – Mike as Jim Gordon standing by the Bat-signal
Good movie, weak riffing. That's the bottom line. Trax has popped off on other movies I enjoy with mixed results. Spider-Man is a favorite, Casino Royale was decent while the Dark Knight's mostly a dud. Apart from the introduction, they don't get too snarky on those of us who think this is a winning film. There’s not even a lot of digs at comic fans (for those who feared they’d do that). On the meh side of things we get a few familiar and tired drug jokes, easy pokes at clowns, imitating Chinese accents, teasing Maggie Gyllenhaal's looks and the lame names they come up with for Two Face (Donkey Nuts? Seriously that’s the best you guys can come up with). Hell, my 6-year-old niece could have written sharper material.
On the good, there's a Prince of Space call back that was funny as were the bits about Fox spying on people. I liked the cute line about Ledger channeling Caesar Romero and there is a smattering of funny riffs here and there. But what's weird is that things didn't get steady until the end. This film was 153 minutes long and Mike and Co. only really revved it up on the final 15.
Release Date: January 29, 2008
Riffers: Mike Nelson, Kevin Murphy & Bill Corbett
"Soon I can once again hear your lilting voice as you scream at me for not putting the toilet seat down" – Mike reading one of my riffs as Mr. Freeze
One of the most requested flicks gets roasted by the fans and while it is often amazingly good, the damn thing slows to a painful halt at the second hour where there are many, many gaps without a riff. The folks who put this together say they didn’t have enough material, but I’ve read a lot of great riffs that weren’t used and would have filled those blank spots quite nicely. More on that later.
The riffing is stellar early on, very clever. From a cute observational line about how long it takes the Bat-Duo to get ready while crime runs rampant, to a quip on Asperger syndrome I really dug. A cool reference from the TV series (Shark Repellent) and Bill’s running gag about making Batman references while watching Batman are both highlights. As the flick went on I was impressed with riffs that target the overall stupidity (“Oh thanks for the arrow, I thought he was the elephant” – Bill) and a reference to another Batman (Christian Bale restoring dignity to the character. Amen brother). But the biggest laugh was the simplest, yes; I’m speaking of a poop joke! It comes during Freeze's stay in prison and it is a clever slap at the ridiculous lack of logic in the scene.
It is unfortunate that the whole thing winds down with a riff-drought. There are so many sequences that cried out for a quip and there’s nothing but air. The scene where they ride down the giant statue receives nothing and there were solid options, writer GregMcduck offers this when Batman cuts the power to Robin's motorcycle and he starts skidding down the statue's arm… "Yeah, this is WAY safer.". Nice line Greg, and it’s a bummer that the powers that be thought silence was preferable to that quip.
Other good stuff that was ignored and could have fit the gaps perfectly… WholeLottaMilka wrote this for the jailbreak when Ivy says… “His name is Bane”... “and he falls mainly on the plain”. There was Josh Way’s Helena-Bonham-Carter bit as Ivy sits in her cell. Raven offered this as our heroes watch Gotham thaw… (excited) “The citizens are saved!” (Sad) “Now they all have skin cancer!” and a guy named Steve-O wrote this at 1:42:33 as a cop car plows into a Chinese diner … "Half an hour later they're just going to want to crash into another restaurant.” Instead of hearing that great riff we get to sit through 40 seconds of… nothing.
Aside from this noticeable, fun dampening mistake (I’d have preferred they waited to release this, get it right, take time to look over the submissions again if need be) There are great moments and I don’t want to sound ungrateful. It was such, such utter bliss to hear Mike, Bill, and Kevin give voice to my jokes. What an honor and I can’t thank Chris Hanel and James Whistler enough for making this possible for all of us fans. I just wish the entire project would have been tighter... Ahhh well, at least we got to hear Kevin’s coconut head, ha, ha, ha, that makes it all better.
Battlefield Earth
Release Date: January 28, 2007
Riffers: Mike Nelson, Kevin Murphy & Bill Corbett
On the horrid Battlefield Earth, MK&B lay Travolta's hammy performance to waste, their mocking laughter (teasing Travolta's over-the-top cackling) was music to my ears. The movies such a painful unwatchable mess, that Bill's Moses-inspired line -"Let the audience go!"- was not only hilarious but echoed my own sentiments to a tee. I could hardly sit through this garbage. Were it not for Bill, Kev, and Mike, I might have gone mad from the sheer stupidity of the film.
The flick inspires much anger and disdain, and nobody does anger and disdain better than Corbett. Bill takes the old chestnut "Oh, that's gotta hurt" to new, derisive, side-splitting heights. His tirade on a vision of hell is a riot. But least I slight Mike, He matches Bill on a tirade of his own concerning cave dwellers and their skills as jet pilots.
Though I feel there were too many huge gaps in the funny, there is still much to enjoy: Disembaudio's laugh track was pure genius, illustrating what a true joke this movie is. An Electric Company and Goldfinger reference, a growing hatred for the color blue, and a great riff about bulk mailing when a long-tongued girl appears on screen, all add to the fun. But my favorite moment by far was Mike's complaint... "How can a grown man wear a jumpsuit. Even for an acting job, it's undignified!" - Classic, simply classic!
Beowulf
Release Date: March 18, 2008
Riffers: Mike Nelson, Kevin Murphy & Bill Corbett
We interrupt our movie briefly to give you a ride on a ski lift” – Mike.
Waxy-looking animated figures fill this pretty decent Robert Zemeckis movie. But it would have been better had he just gone full-out cartoon or full-out live action. The plastic, stiff computer-animated figures were disturbing and distracting.
The first part of riffing is along the lines of Matrix Reloaded, the guys sound in an upbeat, silly mood, and often can be heard chuckling over each other’s jokes. The dead-eyed animation is bashed nicely (Giant fetal duck egg? Talking clumps of poo? “That Mannequin look past me?” Ha, Ha, Ha). Also hilariously marked for humor is the monster speak, nakedness, and of course, John Malkovich, terrible even in CGI form (why is this guy allowed to do accents, he sucks on toast doing it).
This portion was a delight (Lord, the musical numbers… I split a seem from laughing so hard) But sadly, the guys can’t finish what they started and the second half tailed off considerably... before ending with some sparkling riffs during the final battle. A mixed bag then.
The Bermuda Triangle
Release Date: September 6th, 2012
Riffers: Mike Nelson, Kevin Murphy & Bill Corbett
"Tony, nobody said, "Abandoned pants!"" - Kevin
Gordon, just... Gordon. Going beyond Gordon -- I love bad dubbing; it always is the bow atop the horrible gift of z-movie badness such as this. Triangle stars the great John Huston at his worse and features such lowlights as an evil doll, an insensitive portrayal of a black character, that guy from Puma Man, and... Tang. Mmm, mm, yummy!
The flick does sink during an underwater diving scene, which is boring and upsetting (due to the unneeded slaughter of several sharks). And there are dips in the quality of the riffing. But sandwiched between that dross are several genuinely hilarious moments from both the movie and the quippers. The guys throw in some clever references (Tom Waits breakfast consisting of "Coffee and Cigarettes") and of course zap the quality of the performers, direction, and script with some funny observations (forehead mustache).
Birdemic: Shock and Terror
#25 in Mighty Jack's Top 50
Release Date: February 22nd, 2011
Riffers: Mike Nelson, Kevin Murphy & Bill Corbett
"Is she mouthing lines to her meatloaf?" – Kevin
While I personally would have enjoyed a few more esoteric nods to Hitchcock (for example, no jokes mentioning that the music during the credits sounds like bush-league Bernard Herrmann), I was never the less frequently doubled over with laughter. The flick itself is completely ridiculous, and not only for the cheap bird FX. You name it –sound, performance, dialog, direction- this movie does it poorly. A few of my favorite moments: The bit with the wig-wearing tree hugger and the tidy forest fires was uproarious, for the riffing as well as the absurdity of the sequence. This is also true with Bill's reaction to the bird juice, or the teasing of the lead actor mumbling his way through the words "solar panel". I also got a kick out of hearing our riffer's chuckling during scenes; they seemed to be having a good time with this silly train wreck. Despite a few laugh droughts (maybe the movie struck me dumbfounded into silence), I enjoyed myself. The riffing on Birdemic is lightweight fun with some references that went over my head (had to google the green pig's riff. Ha, ha)
Bloody Pit of Horror
Release Date: July 13th, 2012
Riffers: Mike Nelson, Kevin Murphy & Bill Corbett
"AHH! He caught us watching him, now we’re the creeps!" – Bill
The movie itself is torture sit through, tedious -even with Mickey Hargitay hamming it up as a masked executioner. This is the second time I've seen this film quipped on, and it's the second time I was disappointed. The damn flick is riff-proof. The guy's complain, and haul out old standbys that just wind up sounding tired (ala - repeating the title when things get dull -- and the, "This movie has more "such and such", than "such and such""). They reference Balkie and Alf and even stoop to using "Drop Dead Fred" for a joke -- but rather than sounding like clever pop culture references (as the best of these do), they seem an act of desperation, a –"let's just throw anything we can at the screen and pray for a miracle"- kind of thing. On occasion, I'd get a chuckle out of it, but a few chuckles are a poor investment of time and money.
The Bourne Identity
#45 in Mighty Jack's Top 50
Release Date: August 7, 2007
Riffers: Mike Nelson, Kevin Murphy & Bill Corbett
”You’re my only friend, buttock implant” – Mike as Jason Bourne
Most of those chuckles in this offering are provided by two sources: Firstly - Matt Damon. The guys noting his square head and having him cry over being confused for Mark Wahlburg was good and the amnesia quips a hoot (after Damon anguishes over not knowing who he is, Bill suggests, "Bitchy Von Cry Pants"). Corbett also got a big laugh when he notices that Bourne, “runs like Napoleon Dynamite”. There was also a reference to Patriots QB Tom Brady that earned kudos and the lines about Bourne arresting himself were cute as well.
The other high spot came in the form of darts aimed at the French. One chase sequence with French police offered one solid joke after another and proved to be this ‘Trax crowning achievement, with the quip, "I Surrender", becoming the catchphrase of the moment for me. The cream rises to the top and that’s true with this RiffTrax release, Bourne is loaded with cute and clever material, delivered with upbeat vocal inflections and spot-on timing.
The Boy in the Plastic Bubble
#31 in Mighty Jack's Top 50
Release Date: July 30, 2010
Riffers: Mike Nelson, Kevin Murphy & Bill Corbett
"I’m sorry; I was just thinking of a joke, the sick one God played on me" – Mike as Bubble Boy
I can recall making an effort to catch this made-for-TV feature when it first aired, for the sole reason that the younger teenage me thought Glynnis O'Connor was cute (though she does have 'crazy eyes'). It was interesting to revisit and made better for the guy's spot-on commentary. The movie -oft-referenced for riffs over years- is sappy, overwrought and includes a disturbing scene of Travolta's Todd and a geeky guy with a tumor, bonding over masturbation (I’ll never feel clean again)
To get my (minor) complaints out of the way: The Scientology lines have reached their expiration date and have become stale. The bluer material doesn't click with me. Fortunately what is offered aside from that is had in greater quantity and works brilliantly.
Mike and Kevin get another shot at Robert Reed (Bloodlust) and this time are freer with the Brady Bunch references (though not to excess). When they do add references, they draw from many sources – as when Bill spots Charleton Heston and Nova, or in the line that earned a huge laugh from me, "They captured a baby Ramone!"
The observational riffing is playfully warped. I loved the bit when a little girl brings over a gift and Mike says -"It's a cake with a file in it, she made it herself"-. I also got a kick over the sequence where Travolta breathlessly orders his horse-riding girlfriend to “Go faster! Faster!” and later, jump his bubble - during which Kevin adds one more dark and hilarious instruction. (Overall, Todd’s preoccupation with the horse was a hoot). Twisted quips like these brought forth gales of laughter.
This was a Rifftrax release that I had high expectations for and Mike, Kevin, Bill (and whoever else might have written on this trax) did not disappoint. Funny work - though I’m still left pondering one ageless question (not addressed in the release) – Flare pants in the 70s, why did we ever think they were even remotely cool?
Brainiac
Release Date: July 2nd, 2012
Riffers: Mike Nelson, Kevin Murphy & Bill Corbett
"Her nightgown is sturdier than a hazmat suit" - Bill
Fun, cheesefest from Mexico about an age-old satanic figure who rides a comet to the future and -armed with a forked tongue- begins a reign of terror and revenge. The movie is a good baddie, one I was hoping some riff-team would tackle. There's a cheap monster mask, poor dubbing (that suddenly disappears for a few minutes), and broad characters (like the twin detectives). MK&B are generally in good form -- teasing the lack of logic, character actions, dialog, and so forth. My favorite bits -movie and riffing- came when the Brainiac paralyzes his male victims, who look on in wide-eyed shock as the villain makes out with their wives or daughters, before moving on to to the kill.
Breaker, Breaker
Release Date: March 21st, 2013
Riffers: Mike Nelson, Kevin Murphy & Bill Corbett
"Bruce Lee guest choreographed this fight as a thank you for Chuck appearing in The Way of the Dragon" – Kevin as Chuck's character rolls around in the dirt with his brother.
Mustache-less trucker Chuck Norris battles corrupt cops; There’s CBs, random staring girls, and arm wrestling -- Bill notes Chuck's sensible lesbian hairstyle and I got a kick out of the trio quipping on a low rent Bond villain (complete with cat). I have to say that the movie irritated me; I had a difficult time sitting through it … this town full of grinning dickweeds who think they are above the law, got on my last nerve, and I just wanted Chuck to break a few necks and end this thing quickly. Still, the riffing was steady (Mike’s 6-word review word for Driving Miss Daisy, Kevin's 'Mildew the Lion'), and that helped ease my suffering.
The Bride and the Beast
Release Date: June 6th, 2014
Riffers: Mike Nelson, Kevin Murphy & Bill Corbett
"No, don’t stab him, use one of those spray water bottles, it's the only way they learn." – Kevin as our hero fights off attacking tiger
The guy's delight in discovering Lance Fuller and Ed Wood's names in the credits establishes the tone quickly; this is a lot of fun. The goofy movie -about a woman who was a gorilla in her past life, heading off to Africa on her honeymoon- lends itself well to a rousing good riffing. ASPCA violations, newspaper reports on the Chinese, excessive face washing, and the like are observed and sharply responded to using clever references, black humor, and general silliness. Like this gem... "Hang on, this is better than Meg Ryan in 'When Harry Met Sally'" - Bill. Ha Ha!
Buffalo Rider
#4 in Mighty Jack's Top 50
Release Date: November 22nd, 2011
Riffers: Mike Nelson, Kevin Murphy & Bill Corbett
"That's very thoughtful Jake, but you really didn't have to drive crosses through their chest, they're not prairie vampires." – Mike
Our movie chronicles the life and legend of a western hero, and friend of bison - CJ "Buffalo" Jones (here referred to as Jake). The riffing hit all the right notes - I was doubled over from laughter as I bore witness to several "adventures of a lifetime" and the quips that accompanied them. The poor animals didn't fare very well; (the ASPCA was obviously nowhere in sight) and that was a bummer, but they wrung some humor out of it (especially through a Raccoon named Bandit). The best part though was watching a man sit uncomfortably astride a Buffalo.
Perfect movie, great riffing - - though I was disappointed that neither Kevin nor Disembaudio sang a variation on the classic "Basketball Jones", and let loose with some, "Buffalo Jones, Gotta Buffalo Jones, Gotta Buffalo Jones..." (I seriously had that bouncing in my skull throughout the entire movie). They did, however, reference the tune so I gotta give 'em props for that.
