Thursday, September 4, 2014

Rifftrax: P, Q

Paranormal Activity
Release Date: February 11, 2010
Riffers: Mike Nelson, Kevin Murphy & Bill Corbett

"They’ve officially taken the activity out of Paranormal Activity" - Kevin
     If you have seen this film -about a couple haunted by a demon- beforehand, it will be easy to guess the direction the riffing will take. It's all about pondering the mundane (and there's a lot of the mundane in this flick) as well as dissing the unlikable leads, the weak haunting, and wondering if such and such a blah scene is delivering on the promise of 'shocking horror'.
 
The movie achieved some measure of popularity. I guess its success hinges on whether you buy into it or not. I didn't and was bored to tears. It's pretty much a film about watching people sleep. You hear a bump and they jump and go investigate and spout inspired dialog like, "What the hell was that?" The couple is Micah, a douche bag who enjoys taunting the demon. And Katie, who mostly screeches and looks sour --- and that's your movie in a nutshell.
 
MK&B do the best they can with this minimal material, but they are stretched pretty thin. They manage some clever quips. As when a ghostbuster guy comes over and asks several questions about the camera in Micah and Katie's bedroom - Bill riffs... "What are you, Bob Crane?" Or when Mike mentions reading a comic while the movie plays (and not missing a thing). It's a tough movie to slog through, thankfully Mike, Kevin, and Bill are there as our own personal Father Merrin's.;   And with that, I'll leave you with one more memorable quote, it's Mike giving voice to the scared psychic... "I'm an expert at wetting myself and fleeing!”

Pirates: Curse of the Black Pearl
Release Date: September 9, 2008
Riffers: Mike Nelson, Kevin Murphy & Bill Corbett

”Now he’s just shouting random syllables in a Pirate voice!” – Mike
     I was unsatisfied with Rifftrax releases around this time. (Ocean’s 11, Spider-Man 2 failed to thrill me). Thankfully Pirates put ‘em back on course. The first half-hour was a treasure. The guys are in read and react mode - responding and adding to the dialog with one snappy quip after another. Pirates is the only one of the trilogy I liked so I didn’t mind them going this route rather than ripping the movie to shreds. They did get a little too mean-spirited in regards to Kiera Knightley’s chest area (and overdid it) but they righted the ship with great quips directed at Walt Disney and company.

There are a couple digs at forum members that I thought were cute, and while the jokes didn’t seem to lean as heavily on pop culture references as in the past, there were plenty of good ones (“The greatest cinematic battle since Pee Wee fought Francis!” – Mike). The riffing doesn’t keep up with the frantic funny of that first half-hour, but it's very good work to the end and it was nice to hear my hearty laughter again.

Plan 9 From Outer Space
#30 in Mighty Jack's Top 50
Release Date: January 22, 2008
Riffers: Mike Nelson, Kevin Murphy & Bill Corbett

"Is that a crypt or one of those kiddie playhouses you can buy at Target?” – Bill
     This was adapted from Mike's original commentary track; they took some of the previous riffing, married it to new material, and had Bill and Kevin join Mike in this round. What was a solid solo track is transformed into an outrageous assault on an outrageous and absurd movie. What works better in this version comes from the added riffs of course and the interplay between the trio. In the original, I felt Tor Johnson didn’t get enough of those anticipated big laughs. That is remedied here and the giant one is a frequent source of hilarity, there's even a much welcome, "Time for go to bed". I also loved how they address the colorization with Mike's Hulk line.

There are a few differences in the phrasing and a couple missing quips from Mike’s first shot at the film. For example: After Tor drops the woman Mike originally said... "She’s gained the gift of ventriloquism". So there were changes but between the two, while the original made for a fun commentary, the redo is the superior riffwork.

Planet Of Dinosaurs
Release Date: May 20, 2009
Riffers: Mike Nelson, Kevin Murphy & Bill Corbett

"Wonderful, bikini girl dead... Chuck? Alive and shirtless" - Mike 
     Stilted, ridiculous dialog, uttered by stilted ridiculous actors. That's Dinosaurs in a nutshell. Not only that but this rank cheesy flick kills off the most attractive character (and likely the worse actor, her delivery was a hoot) right at the start -oh how I missed those floatation devices. Anyway, the story is about some kill-hungry space travelers who crash on an island inhabited by claymation dinosaurs. It's a flick with too much walking and cave approaching and that makes for some dead zones. Still, MK&B do get in a fair amount of solid quips, aided by the movie's frequent rest periods and progressive music accentuated by electronic fart noise.
    
"I believe the original title of this movie was, Rest Period" - Kevin. With it being such a tedious film, the guys throw in some singing to fill in the gaps. And while the riffing isn’t often deep, this is the first time I recall hearing "auto da fé" referenced - during a scene when a woman is collecting sticks for a fire. (auto da fé is often pictured in the arts by showing a heretic being burned at the stake).

Point Break 
Release Date: October 10, 2006
Riffer: Mike Nelson

"It was Asper, the friendly ghost!" 
     Mike goes solo this time out and the results are miles better than what he did with Bill on Top Gun. Point Break is an asinine film, idiotic in every way. It raises Mike's justifiable ire and he savagely rips into every stupid plot point, bad acting, and limited dialog that comes his (and our) way.
   
The movie opens with the merging of our lead actors' names and Mike gets in a beautiful quip when he calls it "A harmonic conversion of cheesiness." Right then and there I knew I was in for a good time. Mike takes the easy and obvious shots but hey, they work: Keanu's bad acting gets a going over (and my Lord, he is especially bad here) I howled when Nelson suggests that the plywood people in the film served as Reeves acting coaches! Lori Petty is grating, and Swayze receives some nice callbacks to Mike's earlier work on Road House. Only the slams on Gary Busey didn't always click for me (Though the comment about his teeth was hilarious).
   
The script consists of mostly 3 words: An F-Bomb, the S-Bomb, and "Whoa!" - When Keanu's Johnny Utah repeats the S-Bomb and Whoa over and over during a sky diving sequence, Mike finds it an odd time to quote Maya Angelou (LMAO!)  I also absolutely adored the return of a couple of old MST standbys: The "You taste Like..." and the, "He died as he lived..." lines make a welcome return. All told this was a solid, enjoyable release.

Predator
Release Date: June 1, 2007
Riffer: Mike Nelson

"This moment brought to you by Creatine"
     Mike riffs well alone. And while a film as loaded with so many monotonous scenes of people wandering through a jungle, would test even the greatest minds of our generation. Nelson combats this by falling back on old standbys to fill in the gaps. For example: Showing annoyance with how slow the movie is to live up to its title (it isn’t really). Using an actor's filmography as punch lines -“Well, on the bright side, you won't have to sit through Batman and Robin”, which is spoken after a man is shot. Listing the various “combustibles on hand”, during onscreen explosions.
   
Too many bullets, too many sweaty close-ups, and too much dense forest make for sparse riffing. It is still funny. When Mike ventures forth and brings us fresh material, Predator is often a scream. -“It was Jane Goodall and her posse!”- Mike on Guerilla forces- Arnold is an easy, funny target, and the entire “alpha male swagger” thing provides laughs. Mike also has a special love for his Governor, Jessie Ventura.
   
The cracks Mike makes about “Payback” time and fused spinal columns. Swipes at how muscle-bound Arnold is -“I’m muscly, 5 ti - - no 6 times more muscly than you”- and the Preds limited abilities, "Okay, you have a tape recorder and play the maracas…”- all of these jokes are awesome. But factor in the failed bits (Mike naming mundane events to go with the overly dramatic score, was a clever idea that didn’t work), plus that there is only so much one man can do with the limited source material, and there isn’t enough of the great stuff to lift it to classic status. Regardless, it's well worth a listen, if only for hearing Mike go on about Mecha Godzilla! That was beautiful, just beautiful.

Prisoners of the Lost Universe
Release Date: May 22nd, 2012
Riffers: Mike Nelson, Kevin Murphy & Bill Corbett

"Just then the Enterprise was hit by a photon torpedo" – Mike
     Prisoners opens with a funny "Space Mutiny" call back and continues on nicely from there. This is a movie we saw in the opening credits of MST3Ks Stranded in Space. The flick seems to be shooting for light-hearted and funny -- before it moves on a few guys trying to force themselves on our heroine, so yeah, that left a bad taste. John Saxon is in this, with a modulated voice and wearing what Bill describes as "Fierce scarlet dance attire". The riffing is steady, with a lot of funny references (Lisa Gail, Jim Jarmusch) and pokes at the dialog, Saxon's character 'Kleel', and other movie-inspired silliness (love Kevin's quip, "Anyone have a trebuchet I could borrow?" Spoken after a prisoner twice fails twice to kill Kleel with spears he's throwing).

Psycho II
Release Date: May 7th, 2013
Riffers: Mike Nelson, Kevin Murphy & Bill Corbett

"Never could get those Martin Balsam stains out of the carpet...."
     Norman Bates returns... and yeesh, we learn he enjoys making sandwiches as much as that kid in "Bad Santa"! As to the riffs: Due to the nature of the story, we get a lot of "psychotic killer who everyone strangely trusts" type jokes. And while that can get old, the release is not so one-note as to become tiresome. The guys throw in a variety of gems -- like Bill's call to "All skate" and his comment about the after-effects of eating Cap'n Crunch. Or Mike calling out the continuity department during the motel painting scene. While Psycho 2 doesn't rank high on my hit parade, material like that kept it afloat. It's a decent mid-range release