Dirty Dancing
Released: September 23, 2008
"Oh, so this is what hell is like?" - Cole
Dirty Dancing is
one of my least favorite flicks, and it must be one of Mike Nelson's least
favorites as well since in his introduction he mentions that he didn't want the
pleasure of riffing on it. Therefore, he hands the reigns over to comedians Cole
Stratton and Janet Varney
This is the second non-MST alumnus to record a 'trax without
one of the big 3 (Matthew Elliott was the first) and they too, were
very good. Dancing is contrived and cliched, and the duo treats it with
smart-alecky disdain - teasing every aspect of the characters and story.
I enjoyed the way Janet has Baby refer to herself in the 3rd
person (Baby hide!) and the sound Cole makes for a squirrelly guy who has the
hots for Baby. The "bridge nightmare" sequence is clever as was
Janet's line, "It's like "Groundhogs Day" for armpits",
during a repetitive dance scene.
They overdo the nose job jokes and if you don't care for
puns then this might not be to your liking (they lean on them frequently). But
for the most part, this was an entertaining 'trax, and a good time is always had
with Patrick Swayze on hand (often shirtless again- which led to one of the
funniest bits concerning Pat putting on a shirt but losing the pants)
Ghost
#17 in Mighty Jack's Top 50
Released: June 25, 2009
"Okay Patrick just give us your best Don Knotts face"
- Janet
Janet and Cole
return after a decent quipping on another Swayze flick, "Dirty
Dancing". I find this one gets better every time I watch it. I like Janet's
dumb guy voice; in fact, I like a lot of Janet's quirky idiosyncratic comments.
Cole's good too (funny cat voice) but I found that most of my laughter came
after a comment from Janet... "Here, I brought you a giant
shuttlecock!" and "The White Album… The movie!"
Patrick Swayze is limited as an actor, he always looks
gassy: When he's looking lovingly at his gal, when he's upset when he was
shot... always gassy. So, you’d think they'd zero in on that and never let up,
but the riffing is varied, and they actually go after Demi's boyish look more
often. Having quipsters like these two keeps things fresh in the Rifftrax world
and I hope we get more because it puts the Swayze in me.
Footloose
Released: November 5, 2009
"Uh oh, flashbacks make him aggressively dancey" - Janet
Gadzooks! So,
Kevin Bacon takes on a town that's outlawed dancing? I didn't enjoy sitting through
this picture (and that horrible 80s music) but I enjoyed the riffing Janet and
Cole laid down. Cole adding dumb guy observations to an early Bacon
conversation was hilarious and Janet's Little Mermaid quips always earned a
laugh.
While they overdo the ‘bad filmography’ shtick, overall, I've
been impressed and feel that they are the best new riffers ‘trax has
introduced to us. The duo has a style all their own, which is sharp,
irreverent, often goofy and fun as all get out. They have a good rapport and
often plant zingers at the expense of the other, as when Cole warns Janet, "You
do realize that every time you make a bad pun, an Angel bursts into
flames". A 3 Trax win streak has me clamoring for more. ”Thank you, "Make-A-Wish", – Cole
Poltergeist
#38 in Mighty Jack's Top 50
Released: April 15, 2010
Janet and Cole
get things started off with a bang (and a bump in the night), with Janet's
Q&A between the little girl and the TV, and Cole's Poltergeist theme song.
They continue on in that vein, providing laugh after laugh with a barrage of
pop references, observational quips, and script additions. Janet's voice for the
little Carol Ann is a hoot ("Now pick a card Mommy..." she says as
the child sits by chairs that are stacked up impossibly) as is her impression
of Zelda ("We're gonna need a bigger boat, wait that's not it"). Cole
also does some funny voice-overs for Robbie. The only thing missing was an MST
"Magic Things" call back when the team of ghostbusters enters the
kids' room to find objects dancing about in the air (Regardless, Cole's Hulk
comment was cute). Good flick, good riffing, good times!
The Lost Boys
#46 in Mighty Jack's Top 50
Released: July 14, 2010
"It's either vampires or the Vlasic pickle stork"
- Janet
Ah, the Lost
Boys, perhaps it was my generation's Twilight. It got some bad reviews, but it
starred the Corey's (Haim and Feldman) and we loved it. The other thing I love
is Janet and Cole's rifftrax offerings. They've yet to let me down and they
don’t disappoint with this one. As usual, the trax features the peppy,
high-spirited goofing that makes their humor distinct. It's a riff-style I
appreciate.
I also appreciate their choice of movies, and here we are
thrust into a world of puffy hair and styling clothes. The duo make with quips
that fit the era to a T – From Janet's, "Slow down our jewelry makes it
hard to run", to Cole noticing a giant Swatch. Of course, they aren't stuck
in time, as we get mention of things like webcams and "The
Happening". I also dug the top-notch voice-overs (good impressions Cole),
cute pop culture references, nods to "Twilight" and the way they have
fun with the theme song. All in all, this is another well-rounded, smartly
riffed offering from the team.
Jaws 3
#48 in Mighty Jack's Top 50
#48 in Mighty Jack's Top 50
Released: October 8, 2010
"...then we fully refund their movie ticket and beg for
forgiveness" – Cole
Another swimmingly
solid effort from Janet and Cole, I was laughing steady - but phew, that movie
had some supremely crappy FX. I actually wish I would have caught it in
theaters in 3D so I could have seen how funny they looked in that format.
Anyway, this release gains big points right off the bat for the pre-movie
intro, with Mike making a hilarious cameo as Captain Quint - "Riffers go
into the Booth, Booth goes into the Movie... Sharks in the Movie... We're gonna
need a bigger Riff!"
Once the movie begins, the riffs sail along at a nice pace.
There are cute 'era-relevant' quips, as when Janet has a character gush...
"Coke came out with a new formula, you gotta not try it!" Cole offers
more of his impressive impressions (he does a killer Sebastian from
"Little Mermaid") and the duo sharply rips on the flick, noting
everything from the bad acting to the bad scenes (the standoff game was the
dumbest thing I've ever seen, and I got a kick when Janet called it, "The
Agatha Christie of bar games.") My biggest laugh though came via the
Harry Potter mentions (notice the patch on the guy's shirt)
Flatliners
Released: July 19, 2012
"Take that Peter Dinklage!" – Janet
Explorations
about the afterlife offer up a plethora of heady possibilities… and Flatliners
addresses none of them. A dumb premise and cast with fresh, hot talent at the
time - from Julia Roberts to Kiefer Sutherland - Flatliners is a riffers
paradise. Cole and Janet apply a liberal amount of pop culture references and
fire them off at a record clip - Pussy Galore, Blade Runner, and Elliot from ET
are just a few in this hit parade. Not that this is the only item in their
comedy arsenal. Sharply phrased observations are also on hand. My favorite was
Janet's cinematic suggestion that one scene would have been greatly enhanced by
throwing Oliver Platt from a speeding truck. Amen to that! Oh, and least I
forget, Cole does a hilarious Morgan Freeman.
Released: June 19, 2015
"Why can't you take this more seriously?" -- "Wait, is she talking to us right now?" - Dr. Jane/Cole Dreams and political conspiracies collide and Janet and Cole return after a 3-year absence, to show the funny in that. This is sadly their last (at this point) Rifftrax feature release -Though they've done shorts and such, see "Cindy Goes to a Party" at SF Sketchfest 2019 for a howl - the references - Bjork, Wes Anderson, Audrey Hepburn, Birdbox... just killer material.
Anyhoo, does anyone tackle the 80s better than this duo? They get into the groove of the decade, the sounds and styles, and supplement that with cute reads on the film, or throw in general pop culture references both past and present... and of course, Del Taco (HaHa). Lots of great sequences, the bit when Alex meets a troubled kid in a wheelchair, for one. Lots of cute quips... "Meanwhile, in David Cronenberg's Head" - Janet, and "Maybe don't let Quaid come up with his own stunts." - Cole, make this another winner. Fun movie, fun comedy.
Released: October 14, 2022
"You know you're in trouble when a bird has to tell you your line" - Cole
Janet and Cole make their long-awaited return to feature length riffing, and as a fan, I couldn't be happier. The duo still has that same energy and can deliver cute references with the best of them ("Meanwhile, Mouse builds a wicker man") but my biggest laughs here came when they give voice to the characters and actors, like Michelle Pfeiffer giving advice to Matthew Broderick, "Uh, you can act subtly, you know, just watch me" (something he can't quite manage, so Janet adds...) "That's not subtle". Cole also joins in on that fun ("Out of my way weird cats!") And what a comfort to hear them deliver a shot at Del-Taco again.
The movie is from the 80s (of course), lengthy (the end is a drag), and gawd, that score, but Rutger is cool and Michelle is luminous and J 'n C's upbeat, playful style is a nice fit -the line about the lightbulb appearing over Mouses head for example is silly and spot on (MB&K attack style is great for things like A Dangerous Man, but I like a Bridget and Mary Jo, or Cole and Janet for something like this).
So glad to have you two back, and don't stay away so long (though your tearful breakup scene was a hoot).
