Thursday, August 28, 2014

1004 - Future War

First Broadcast - 11 pm Sunday, April 25th 1999
#98 in Mighty Jack's Top 100
Excellence Level: Silver
Movie Pain: Medium - Senseless and cheap
Riffing: Solid, good humor
Skits: Good solid humor as well

Former hooker turned Nun aids a runaway tool, Jean Claude Gosh Darn, in his battle against forced perspective dinosaurs. This wasn't one of my favorites when it first aired, but I watched it again recently and like fine wine it has aged well.

Nice riffing includes shots launched at the big hungry guys -You'll laugh out loud when one of them falls on the "Tool"- and a pew-full of Church base quips - Crow has our Nun getting angry when the Vatican doesn't pay its phone bill and Servo has her wondering if Jesus was a kickboxer - The movie itself offers many improbable moments for the guys to work with: Like our Nun and her scrapbook of shame, Fred Buroughs, Tools 'on again/off again' bloody scars, Robert Z' Dar as a swollen Freddie Mercury and the directors love of empty boxes.

Funny Host Segments give us Droppy, the Water Droplet; The discovery that Mike is 8 times a lady and Bobo made me laugh during the dumb "Missile launched at the SOL" sketch. Good, solid humor through and through.

Host Segments
Intro: Crow tries to figure how many times a lady Gypsy is. Segment 1: Pearl conduct's tests on the robots. Segment 2: Tom makes legs for himself and challenges Gypsy to a kick boxing fight. Segment 3: M&TBs thank Pearl for not killing them, interrupting her attempt to kill them. Segment 4: Crow is Droppy, The Water Droplet. End: Mike has a giant chin. Bobo & Brain Guy plan a music tour but Pearl gets in the way. Stinger: Warrior loses his shirt.

Notable Riffs
"Z' No, Z' Don't" - Servo as Z' Dar during the fight
"He's reporting over a baby monitor" - Mike
"He's boxed in." "Well, I'm card-bored." - Crow/Mike
"He's Jean Claude Van Damme." - "No, he's more like Jean Claude Gosh Darn" - Servo/Mike
"He's a Cute-asaurus." - Crow
"My trained wiener will finish you off!" Servo as Tool
"The sad thing is, they're all former prostitutes." - Crow, speaking of Nun and her 2 fat friends
"Well, thank you for... not killing me" - "They should make a Hallmark card for that." - Nun/Crow
"We're all out of steak!" - Crow as big guys peek around the corner.
"Plaid Avengers, ho!" - Servo
"Just wait till Fred Buroughs gets here!" - Crow
"This place is a maze" - "We call it *A Corn*!" - Tool/Crow
"You know, I could point out that it's not the future and there is no war. But you know me, I don't like to complain" - Crow
"Federal Investigators, we're taking over this case right now!" - "But my puffy hair!" - Feds/Mike as Captain
"Wow, that was easy. Maybe it was butterflies that wiped out the dinosaurs." - Mike
"Cardboard boxes aren't working; try throwing a piece of paper or a cotton ball." - Servo
"Danger Restroom Area?" - "Yeah a co-worker has irritable bowl syndrome" - Crow/Mike
"I'll just leave a note on him" - Servo as Nun after driving into Tool
"Ted Nugent helps out" - Crow
"Meanwhile, on the African Queen, Bogart and Hepburn pick leeches off each other." - Servo
"Lieutenant Nun leads the troops." - ??
"Years of expensive nun training, just wasted." - Servo

Riff Explained
"Kim Wilde could do a video here"
Kim had a hit in the 80's with the song, "Kids in America". That foggy, dark scene with the boxes looks like one of her early videos.

"Chuck Wepner's point of view" - Crow.
Chuck was a journeyman boxer who once went 15 rounds with Ali. Riff is said when screen turns red. You see, Wepner was known as the "Bayonne Bleeder".

Stuff and Nonsense
Daniel Bernhardt (Tool) was discovered by the same guy who gave Jean Claude Van Damme his start in film. Daniel can also be seen in the "Matrix: Reloaded" as Agent Johnson (whose big scenes come during the "traffic fight").

Available on DVD: Volume 13

< Previous * Next >