Saturday, August 16, 2014

416 - Fire Maidens of Outer Space

First Broadcast - 10 pm Thursday, Nov 26th 1992
* Maidens made its debut as the Turkey Day Marathons closing episode
#95 in Mighty Jack's Top 100
Excellence Level: Silver
Movie Pain: High - 99.9% padding
Riffing: Solid, good humor
Skits: Hilarious

I thought I knew dull. I've sat through the laborious exercises of Robert Lippert and the snooze inducing bloat of Roger Corman. But I never really understood the depths that one man could sink, until I watched this stink burger. Shame on you Cy Roth, indeed.

Space adventure? Na, just some folks walking, Shaving running, sitting, staring, smoking, dancing and listening to "Stranger in Paradise" over and over and over and over and... "sniffle", I think I need to join Crow and Servo in a deep cleansing cry.

Now, there are some good jokes: "Does anyone have a copy of 'Final Exit' with them, I think I'm gonna need it?" - Joel. And the host segments are memorable as they give us Crow's evil twin, Timmy. (My favorite sketch involves the Twin Screw Universal Controller -"It can turn you into a 9 year old Hindu boy...")

Oh, and a lame skinny guy in tights is suppose to be the monster? Okay, Suuure. He's not very scary so J&TB easily make a mockery out of him. Overall - Maidens is not a full out laugh riot but there are funny bits scattered through and through. Concentrate on those because the tedium of the film is overwhelming.

Host Segments
Intro: A dark figure emerges from Crow during a posture test. Invention: The Mads have a Giant Checkbook, back on the SOL the gang eats a shoe. Segment 1: Joel explains the double entendre. Segment 2: Timmy changes reality. Segment 3: Joel rescues Servo from Timmy's evil clutches. End: A letter cheers up the crew. Timmy takes a bite out of Frank. Stinger: Cup tossing astronaut.

Notable Riffs
* "Hey, there's traffic in space" - Crow
* "Hm, you think they should have built the observatory in the bus station?" - Servo
* "Lets all watch it on the speakers." - Servo
* "It's a code of some sort." - " It's from the director, it says... Slow Down" - Astronaut/Joel
* "Go for the women, not the old goat" - Crow
* "Allow me to knee you right in the groin." - Servo as Dr. Blair
* "As disgusting pigs, they just weren't that convincing." - Tom Servo
* "Breakfast is the most boring meal of the day." - Crow
* "How'd ya like it if we picked "your" apples?" - Joel (as a Tree).
* "I can't believe how really in London we are." - Crow
* "If you get near a consonant, let us know." - Servo
* "I give not a crap for thee." - Servo as Hestia
* "I'm going to call it Planet Me." - Joel as Dr. Blair
* "I've got a headache this big, and it's got Cy Roth written all over it." - Joel as Prossus
* "Jupiter: America's dairyland" - Crow
* "Thanks for hurling that gas bomb at me!" - Joel as Hestia
* "The four dullards of the apocalypse." - Tom Servo.
* "The message is 'Hot, steamin' love; Texas-style" - Joel as Capt. Larson
* "Uh, better not go in there for a while." - Servo as Prof. Stanhope
* "Uh, could we get a table closer to the plot?" - Joel as Dr. Blair
* "Goodbye. Thanks for the Valium." - Crow (as the Fire Maidens)

Riff Explained
"The Great Garloo!" - Servo
Garloo was a remote controlled toy released by Marx in 1961. He stood 23 inches and could be made to roll across the floor and move his arms. He was pretty ugly and pretty expensive and Tom's right, he does look like the creature in the movie

Stuff & Nonsense 
* Actor Paul Carpenter (Larson); played pro hockey in Canada, was a singer in Ted Heath's band and in the 50's, did commentary for the "showbiz eleven" soccer team (which included Sean Connery on its roster)
After rehearsals for a play, Paul (who had recently recovered from injuries he suffered in a car accident) was found dead in his dressing room. He was in his mid 40's.

* Paul's wife Kim had a bit part as a Fire Maiden (She was the 4th in line when the girls brought food and drink to the men). Kim is best known as the female lead in the classic, "Fiend Without A Face".

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